I haven't written much about my younger brother Joe. I can't believe its been one year since he died. I have dreaded this day, January 10th, for the past several weeks now. Bitter thoughts and feelings have been stirred up: The injustice of his death, my hatred for all of the pain, suffering, and loneliness that alcohol has caused humankind, and a culture that often calls evil, good, and good, evil.
How I miss Joe. I miss his fierce independence. I miss his wry sense of humor and unwavering loyalty. I miss his conspiracy theories and his deep thoughts. I miss his unique combination of grit and bravado mixed with a profoundly introspective nature that led to countless acts of surreptitious kindness. Joe was far from perfect, as we all are, but he was the best brother I could've asked for. He has taught me numerous lessons for which will always be grateful, like how good it can feel to work so hard your hands blister, and what it means to be a loyal fan of the home team, even when they disappoint time and time again. Joe was my brother - no, is my brother, and our bond surely transcends the bonds of death. But that does not diminish the reality that he is gone, and that it will be a long time before I see him again.
Therefore, on this day, the anniversary of his death, I can only say that I miss him greatly, that I will always miss him, and that life will never be the same without him, and that though I am sad, I do have hope that I will see him again.
Noah in Joe's Seahawks jersey.
One of Joe's wishes was that the boys would grow up to be Seahawks fans. In fact, just six days before he died, he assured me that with an uncle like him there was no way the boys couldn't grow up to be Seahawks fans. One of his Seahawks jerseys now hangs in our spare bedroom above the computer, placed in a frame by Amanda as a Christmas present to me. My heart pains within me to look at it now, realizing that Joe will not be here to instill that unbeatable loyalty of his into the boys. I will try my best, but those who knew Joe will realize that no one could possibly fill his shoes. He remains one-of-a-kind.
Eli in Joe's jersey.
2 comments:
Those are some beautiful pictures of your boys in his jersey. We will be thinking of you and your family during this time.
I thought about Joe alot this weekend with all the Seahawks coaching drama going on...I can't believe it has been a year either. Where has the time gone!? Those pictures of the boys with his Jersey on are priceless...They are two very lucky little boys to have two great Angels watching over them all the time.
Post a Comment